Writing my life out on the pavement

You can’t really “force” someone to stop an affair. You can give someone an ultimatum. You can install every tracking device possible on their car and phone, observing their every move. You can have eyes on someone every single waking moment of their life and make it *almost* impossible for them to see their affair partner (AP) (although where there’s a will, there’s always a way). However you cannot change someone’s heart. Truth is, if the affair was anything more than a one night stand or a short sex only fling, there are likely deep emotions and/or love involved. That’s the cold truth of the matter. You can read whatever garbage you want about limerance and how people engaging in an affair aren’t capable of having true feelings for each other. Truth is, people engaging in an affair fall in love in the same way as people who met while they were single. The excuses we come up with to invalidate the feelings of those involved in the affair are just ways to mend our own broken hearts when we can’t possibly accept that the person we love may be in love with someone else. 

You can’t force someone to stop an affair because you can’t change how someone feels about their AP, even if you make it impossible for them to see them. Imagine being told that you are no longer allowed to see someone that you love. The threat of losing “everything” may be enough to keep you from pursuing the AP, but unfortunately feelings are not like a light switch. Love doesn’t end the minute that the physical affair does. Think about it. When someone dies, does your love for them die too? Absolutely not. You can long for them years later to the point where you’re still brought to tears every time you think of them. Unfortunately this can be the case in some affairs. With that being said, the cheater is likely going to significantly mourn the affair partner. The mourning will be compounded by the fact that they aren’t going to be able to admit that they’re sad or mourning in fear that their husband or wife will take notice and their household will again implode. They will feel alone and unsupported in their mourning whilst also trying to fake that they care about trying to mend their marriage that was likely over in their mind before the affair began. However, unlike mourning a death, that affair partner is still out there living and breathing.

 Cheaters usually don’t have a lot of self control to begin with, which 9 times out of 10 leads them to eventually reach back out to the affair partner in a desperate attempt to hold on to what they feel they’re losing. You absolutely cannot force two humans that love each other to stop loving each other— and therefore, you cannot stop the affair. This has to be a decision the affair partner and cheater make themselves, or else it will never end.