Writing my life out on the pavement

Memories…sometimes so vivid and some are just pitch black. Why is that? I understand that sometimes that may just be our bodies keeping us from the excruciating pains of the reality of those memories, but why hide behind a curtain of darkness? I know, I know. Why on earth would anyone want to be able to just see those dark memories from their past that have so intentionally hidden themselves. I get the question, I just don’t get the concept. I suppose it’s because sometime I wish I could see the other stuff. You know, the stuff that has nothing to do with the other shity stuff but since it was all happening so closely together in time, it’s all balled up into one dark part of the past. That’s the stuff I wish I could still see.

I guess what I’m getting to or at least trying to get to is why can’t I see my childhood memories? I want to remember the past giggles, the outburst laughter, the side eyes glares I have my sister for getting me into trouble, the moments of pure silence in the middle of the night or the sounds of waking up early on a no school day. Those good memories that almost everyone can recollect and not hold a high significance of importance to them because they’re just so random and not unique.

It’s as if I’ve blacked out from the age of 8 to 16 years old. Just like that. Memories once there, gone. It’s like a great night of drinking disappeared from all memory because of one strong ass Adiós. And of course, in my case it would take a couple of Adióses to get me farther than gone so I guess it only makes sense that my mind is completely gone after more than one occasion of shit. But what if after all this time, after all this searching, I could finally remember what I’ve wanted to remember and it all becomes that much clearer? Or…that much darker?

….to be continued….